Friday, July 11, 2008

Classified in the new Millenium

Craigslist has made it possible for anyone to place a classified ad, and have it seen by hundreds of thousands of people at a cost of $0. This has lead to a new breed of internet troll - those that both search and post on the classifieds in an attempt to wreck general havoc and amuse oneself.

A co-worker of mine has recently made it his mission to destroy this little part of the internet by posting humorous requests and offerings. His theory is that there aren't any real people on Craigslist anyway (at least not in the personals) they are all trolls. So might as well amuse the trolls and himself in the process. Here are a few of his recent gems:

Cat lover wanted - 27
Date: 2008-07-11, 1:24PM CDT
I've had some relationship problems recently and I'm looking for a woman who is comfortable having sex in front of a relatively high number of cats.
If you're not, that's cool, but it's also a deal breaker. You can bring as many of your own cats as you like, but if they fight or can't get along with my cats, we will have to segregate them and they cannot watch.
Also, if you could dress in a cat suit, that's a plus, meowing, purring, and scratching, a definite plus.
Date: 2008-07-05, 12:26AM CDT
Hi, I'm Doug, I'm a mild mannered construction worker by day, and a fireball throwing badass by night. I have red hair, and red flames. If we're going to be together, we have to get a few things straight:
1. I will fight evil by night.
2. No, you cannot come.
3. No, you cannot reveal my secret identity to anyone, Yes, you have to tell your friends you're dating a construction worker.
4. No, I'm not gay, and I won't wear tights with underwear outside my pants.
5. I may accidentally burn the house down one day, and you can't be mad about it.
6. I will not throw fireballs for your amusement.
7. If the president's life is in danger, I won't be home for dinner.
8. If, during love making, you are burned or injured, I'm absolved of all liability.
9. Just because I could end the war doesn't mean I will or should.
10. The following picture of me was taken tonight.

Attractive woman needed for sexual Monopoly. - 30
Date: 2008-07-04, 2:14PM CDT
I need an attractive woman, ages 18-30, to play Monopoly with. You will use the thimble, and I will use the car. You must let me win, and we will moan sexually throughout the entire game, which will last 4-6 hours, while I dominate you financially. If I feel you are attempting to win, you will not get to date me again.

Classics in the making. I wish him all my best.

1 comment:

Paulo said...

Two out of three chicks I met on Craigslist had two cats. They watched us hump.