being serious for once - a tribute of sorts

ive never been good at expressing emotion, deep emotion that is. I express outward displeasurement all the time and occassionally something joyful will grace past my lips. Generally sadness, disapointment, other of the darker emotions typically get burried deep down and only bear themselves when they absolutely must.

grandpa died on saturday. after a long bout with emphasema. Not necessarily a painful way to go, but oxygen is esentially the most basic thing you need in life, to keep living, to keep breathing. He couldnt get any so he stopped trying. At least he was at home, with grandma, and others perhaps. I was not there, I am not going either. Mom and Dad will go and represent for us, show, emotion, for us. I will stay here and keep on what I am doing, keep on with my life, while remembering his.

After I heard I didnt know what to think, what I should be thinking. I knew it was coming, that it would come eventually, soon perhaps, and then it did come. So what was I suppose to think, when i knew it was to be at any time? I remembered. I will try to always remember, though we were not close, in spirit or distance, we did have some kind of bond, through blood, through family.

We walked out by the lake, in the city by the lake, and sat and looked east. We were not looking at anything, but everything. We sat and looked to the east and remembered...